What is BIBLIOTHERAPY?
If you have worked with me for any amount of time in therapy, you have probably heard me mention or recommend a book. As a therapist, transformative work takes place in session, where breakthroughs, new insights and revelation occur but the real work occurs outside of session. How do you put into practice the concepts and skills you are learning in session? What do you do when those you are connected to are not as receptive to your new changes was you hoped they would be? This is where I find books so valuable. They deepen and expound in the work started in session. It can help you learn more about yourself, patterns in relationships, and how to incorporate incremental changes. Bibliotherapy is defined as “a therapeutic approach employing books and other forms of literature, typically alongside more traditional therapy modalities, to support a patient’s mental health”(https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/bibliotherapy).
Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glower Tawabb
The first book I’d like to highlight in the Beauty In Bloom Book Club is Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glower Tawabb. This is my number one go to book recommendation for boundaries. The author is a therapist who discusses common boundary issues that comes up in therapy clients. What I love about the book is before she tells you how to set boundaries, she defines what a boundary is, and with boundaries being such a buzz word and pop psychology term, we may think we know what boundaries are and why we need them, but I bet you could learn more that might surprise you. Nedra defines boundaries as “expectations and needs that help you feel safe and comfortable in your relationships.” Nedra also details the signs that you may be in need of boundaries; some of which include:
7 Signs that you need boundaries
Nedra also details the signs that you are in need of boundaries; which include:
- You have no time for yourself.
- You feel overwhelmed.
- You feel resentful toward people for asking for your help.
- You avoid phone calls and interactions with people who might ask for something.
- You make comments about helping people and getting nothing in return.
- You feel burned out.
Do any of those resonate with you? What gets in the way of you expressing your desires and limits to others close to you? It’s normal to fear how your relationships may change if you are no longer participating in patterns of people pleasing, overextending yourself and keeping quiet for the benefit of others.
The art of boundary setting
I love in the book that Nedra explains the concepts of boundary setting and then gives you practical ways of applying them. Nedra describes some of the common ways people push back on boundaries (limit testing, ignoring, defensiveness, ghosting, silent treatment, acceptance, etc) but also provides how you can respond when these occur and even gives examples of some scripting for you to say, which is very helpful when you are new to boundary setting.
The art of boundary Common areas where boundaries are needed
Nedra has chapters dedicated to the top areas where people commonly struggle with boundaries. Can you guess what they are? Family, Nedra states “family is where people experience the biggest challenges around boundaries, especially within parent-child relationships.” Siblings, spouses and in-laws also show up in the family dynamics chapter. Work, Nedra shares if you’re overworked, exhausted, frustrated, and feeling powerless in the work environment, it could be due to “having porous boundaries with your boss, your team, and your time. Limits can help you maintain a healthy work-life harmony.” Romance, this chapter highlights that boundary issues in dating often arise when you oversell and underdeliver. Unspoken expectations on the other person can also create boundary issues. Friendships, Nedra summarizes friendship dynamics by “unhealthy friendships happen as a result of unhealthy boundaries. Friendships where it feels like you’re giving more than you are receiving are harmful.” And last, but not least; Technology. “As technology advances at a rapid rate, it’s necessary to have limits in place to help you protect your happiness and relationships in the face of this pace.”
Get the book
Have I convinced you to get this book yet???? I promise you won’t regret it and it very well could improve some of your relationship dynamics that are in need of an update. I have the book linked below where you can purchase. I have also linked Nedra’s instagram, it is a wealth of good information. She constantly shares great tips for boundaries in relationships.
Book link for purchase: https://a.co/d/gGzibFx
Nedra’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nedratawwab
